Mario's Day
by Mr. True Man
Summary: This is actually the sequel to How Mario starts his day. Crazy, twisted, but is still has a plot. Think you could go for a white sunshine smoothie? If so, check out our first version of this. this is what "24" hours of Mario's day is like.


Mario's Day

This is pretty much the sequel to "How Mario Starts his Day"

One day three weeks ago, Mario was trimming the hedges while Luigi was fingering an ant hill. Mario was trying to make the hedges look nice for the princess because today they were going to have a party celebrating the princess being saved for the 126... or uhh... 123rd time. Mario was cutting and Mario saw the princess running in her tightest jogging siut. Instantly, Mario's "Warp pipe of wonder" suddenly popped out. Thank heavens he was behind the bush so the princess didn't see it. Mario was so focused on the princess that forgot what he was doing with the hedges. Suddenly, Mario felt a strange pain between his legs. He thought it was Luigi biting his congos, so he looked down and realized that he had done the stupidest thing he had ever done. This was so stupid, that it was something that Luigi would have done. Mario saw his dick fall straight onto the ground. The princess didn't see and she just ran by and waved. Mario almost fainted as blood and white stuff gushed evrywhere llike a weird Christmas mix. Mario was bending over, his butt straigt in the air, trying to controll himself, when suddenly, Luigi ran up right behind Mario and kicked him right in the nuts. Mario screamed his head off, turned around and almost strangled his brother, but he knew if he did, he would just get another offence added onto his criminal record because Luigi was retarded and it wasn't his fault. Mario yelled "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR!?"

Luigi said in a blond girl's voice, "You know how when you kick ME in the nuts, it hurts and I fire a big blue lazer? I guess when I kick YOU in the nuts, you scream in pain and your dick falls off." Mario's face was as red as a chillie pepper. He said in a very dark and evil voice

"I need you... to turn around, and walk... until you are back in this spot in the opposite direction. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?""

Luigi said "What do I get out of it?"

"I will give you my special White Sunshine Smoothie with a hint of Tighty Whities. Now, Luigi. If you don't walk right now, this whole village will become nothing."

"But..."

"FUCK OFF LUIGI!!!!!"

Luigi turned around and started skipping and singing "Follow the Yellow Brick Road" Mario picked up his severed dick and went into the bathroom to "Fix himself" Then he took a nice shower and grabbed a beer. While he was doing all of this it took him at least five hours. He went outside and realized that he was going to fucking kill Luigi. Mario saw red, blue and white lights. He saw police cars, FBI cars, he saw Bowser and Wario and Waluigi up against the wall, and he saw the princess sitting down and talking to Jack Bauer from 24. Mario could only think of one thing to say (And I'm sorry that I say this so much)

"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!" Everybody looked at Mario and Jack Bauer yelled "Taze him!"

"What the-" He got tazed at least twelve times and he fainted onto the ground.

_The following takes place between 9:00 p.m and 10:00 p.m_

Mario woke up in a chair with cuffs on. He looked up and saw Jack Bauer looking back at him with a cup of coffee and a box of donuts sitting right next to him.

"Where the hell am I" Mario asked.

"You're in a police station" Jack whispered. They were actually in a shack behind Mario's house. Mario said the stupidest thing, that sounded like something that Luigi would have said.

"I think I would know the shed behind my own house, dumbass." Jack punched Mario across the face and whispered "If you wanna play this game then fine." He got out a knife. "Every time you get smart with me, you loose a finger." Mario said

"Look, I don't have fingers. I'm wearing gloves, dipshit!" Jack was about to say something, but Mario cut him off. "Why am I here, first of all?" he said.

"You know why you're here? Let me ask you this one question. Where the hell is Luigi?"

"How the hell should I know? I told him to walk away from me a few hours ago."

Jack instantly hit Mario in the face and yelled "WHERE IS HE!"

"I don't know!"

"Do you realize that this is a matter of national security? YOU TELL ME WHERE HE IS! NOW!"

All of a sudden, the door to the shed blew off. Jack turned around and pulled out his pistol and looked at the door. An officer ran inside and said "We're under attack! There are terrorists everywhere. Most of us are dead. Get your ass out there!" Jack turned to Mario and said "I'll deal with you later." and he ran outside. Mario broke the chain against the chair and ran outside to see what was going on. He looked around and saw that everything was destroyed. Mario said "Luigi fucked up a lot of times... but this time I think he fucked way too far."

*Tic*(09 : 14 : 57), *Tic*(09 : 14 : 58), *Tic*(09 : 14 : 59), *Tic*(09 : 15 : 00)

*Commercial break*

"Mario's day in 24 hours is brought to you by..."

"Hi It's Vince with Slap Chop. You can slap Chop nuts, you can slap and chop MY nuts, you can slap chop nuts and eat them for breakfast. You can put them on pancakes, you can put them on my stomach, you can eat them off my stomach while giving me a blowjob, it's all about choice! Slap chop is only $6.66. But if you think this is the devil's work, no this is my work. It's Vince's work. Every day, millions of people are dieing by slapping their nuts with the slap chop. But we don't care! Buy the Slap Chop today for only $6.66 Buy it online at dial the number 505-FUCK-OFF, that's 505-FUCK-OFF or . But, order now and I will include my own pair of nuts. You getting this cameraman? I will chop off MY nuts and send them to you. Put them on your pancakes, put them on your waffles, put them on your egg salad, I don't give a shit! Warning: This product has tons of warnings on it, but we just got lazy to type them all, so we just put a big 'W' on the package. Order now, mother fuckers!"

*Tic*(09 : 30 : 06), *tic*(09 : 30 : 07), *tic*(09 : 30 : 08), *tic*(09 : 30 : 09)

Mario saw Jack Bauer laying on the ground injured. He went over and tried to get some information.

"Hey! You, get over here!" said Jack. Mario kicked Jack in the balls and Jack yelled "DAMN IT!"

"That's for punching me in the face. Now we're even!"

"Whatever. In my right pocket there are some pictures. They should explain what your brother has done.

Mario said "Oh shit..." He looked at the first picture. He saw Luigi and Osama Bin Laden at the beach wearing sunglasses and two chicks giving them both blowjobs. Mario crumbled up that picture and said "That's normal..." The second picture showed the pope being shot by Osama while Luigi gave the pope a blowjob. Mario crumbled that one up and said "That's normal." He looked at the third picture and it showed Luigi pressing a button that said "Detonate all bombs in the U.S.A. As Mario remembered, there were fifty major bombs in the U.S, most of which were by Washington D.C, so I guess they're screwed. Mario said "That's new... but there was that one time that he blew up Atlantis... hmm...." The third picture was Luigi Fucking Jack Bauer's daughter in the ass while Osama fucked her mouth and Jack Bauer yelling, aparently saying "I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" (I am SO sorry, my friend made me type that.) Mario crumpled up that picture and said "Wow, I've gotta complement Luigi on that."

"THAT'S NOT FUNNY!" Yelled Jack. Mario put Jack's face in the dirt.

"You are lucky that the script writers suck."

Mario looked at the next picture. It was Luigi putting flowers by a grave stone which read "Osama Bin Laden: Beloved friend and lover. You were taken before your time." Aparently, Jack killed Osama. Mario laughed and said "I think I'm going to keep this one." The next one was a picture of Luigi running away from the grave and Jack Bauer chasing him with a machete and murder in his eyes.

Just then, the number one most wanted terrorist in the world came Lurking in the shadows. He had an AK-47 and a green hat. He had a red bandana covering his mouth. His skin looked like it hadn't been washed in days, even though it's only been a few hours. Luigi walked up and said "Mario! I had the most fun time! I was walking like you told me and I met a really nice guy named Osama and we had so much fun and we went around to wild sex parties! But then he died... He was going to die of an STD that he got, but Jack Bauer stabbed him to give him a less painful death. JACK IS SUCH A NICE GUY. We fucked his daughter before Osama died, and when I was sad that he died, he cheered me up with a game of tag!"

"All right, Luigi, you can tell me all about it later. Right now, just go inside and drink that white sunshine smoothie that I promised you."

"Okay!" Luigi ran off singing the Barney song.

"Aren't you gonna kill him?" Jack asked.

"I can't." Mario said. "He's mentally challenges and isn't responsible for his actions."

"Oh." Said Jack. "Well, I better get back to CTU then. Oh yeah, Mario. This is coming out of your pay for these damages." As he crawled away. Mario picked up a pistol.

"Hey, Jack! You forgot your pistol." As Jack turned around, Mario shot him in the head and walked away. Fortunately, Jack had a metal plate in his skull so he woke up a few minutes later and walked back to CTU. So in the end Mario and Luigi had a peaceful night, until, that is, Mario found out that Bowser captured the princess AGAIN! Mario was so mad that he just let it go and went to bed. Luigi sat in the living room watching cartoons and sipping on his white sunshine smoothie.

*tic*(09 : 59 : 57), *tic* (09 : 59 : 58), *tic* (09 : 59 : 59), *Tic*(10 : 00 : 00)

And so, kids, the moral of this story is: Never trim the hedges with a boner. The end!


End file.
